Center for Shared Insight | Are You a Relationship Hoarder?
Hoarding Disorder is characterized as persistent difficulty discarding or parting with possessions or items because of an intense need to save. Smith College psychologist Randy Frost, an expert on obsessive-compulsive disorder and a pioneer in the field of compulsive hoarding. Their compulsive hoarding causes their mental, emotional, physical, and financial health to dwindle. And most tragically, the hoarders' relationships unravel as.
What does this have to do with you, you ask? If you can identify with the concept of swinging to the next relationship branch while you still have a hold on the previous one, it has everything to do with you, and your relationships.
The thing is, clinging to the hoarded material in a house and then cleaning it, perhaps only to prepare fresh space for more hoarding! This leaves loved ones and the hoarders themselves feeling sad, confused, and frustrated.
The reason this happens is that a few days or weeks are not enough time to address the underlying emotional reasons that people hoard, so the pattern repeats itself. Real healing and change take time, work, and patient, persistent attention. The same is true for relationships. Face the Feelings You see, just like the somewhat addictive, compulsive behavior of those who hoard, people who jump from relationship to relationship do so compulsively.
The woman I love is a hoarder - The Globe and Mail
They do so without considering the impact of the previous relationship on the self and on future relationships. They do so to avoid the rather intolerable feelings of shame, fear, and hurt and abandonment. This makes sense, because who wants to feel this way? If any of this is feeling All Too Familiar, there is hope.
Invite Mom out on a day when you suspect she is planning to go to a garage sale. Will she skip the sales to hang out with you? They put every scrap of paper in their purse or pocket. Paper hoarders are just that: People who keep every piece of paper that they get their hands on, no matter how worthless.
A reader told us about entering her Dad's apartment when it came time to move him and discovering that he was a paper hoarder, something she had never even remotely suspected. His apartment was wall-to-wall stacks of old newspapers, magazines and piles and piles of those real estate flyers that agents put outside a house they've listed for sale. He would walk around the neighborhood and clean out the flyer boxes of their contents. He wasn't in the market to buy a home and had absolutely no use for the paper flyers, but still he had stacks of them and had been doing this every day for years.
Watch what your older parent does with receipts, movie ticket stubs, even old cereal boxes. When you travel, do they come home with a suitcase full of every bit of printed literature and brochures from the place they visited?
They can't part with anything -- ever.
Top 10 Tips For Dating A Hoarder (When You’re Not One)
When you mention that you are dropping off old clothes to the charity thrift store and ask your Mom if she has anything she wants you to take over for her, she never does. Hoarders struggle when it comes to discarding or parting with their possessions, regardless of their actual value. The difference between hoarders and those who just live with clutter is the degree and quantity of their collected items, notes the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. Commonly hoarded items are newspapers, magazines, paper and plastic bags, cardboard boxes, photographs, household supplies, food, and clothing.
Hoarding is not the same as collecting. While collectors are proud of their possessions and are happy to display and talk about them, hoarders tend to be embarrassed and don't want others to see how they are living -- often with so much clutter that it interferes with their living space and yet they can't stop acquiring things.
They get angry or anxious at even just the suggestion that they throw something away.