Bait & Switch – How You Can Be Deceived By A Narcissist – Life After A Narcissist
Betches, we call this move the Bait and Switch and if you've ever been there you What We Learned About Stassi & Beau's Relationship From. Romantic Love: A Sophisticated Bait-And-Switch Tactic taking the pressure of romantic idealism off of marriage and relationships in general. Bait & Switch – The Narcissist's Method Of Capturing Kind, Intelligent People Generally, at the beginning of a relationship, they will put a lot of.
I thought I chose the kindest, most generous, most easy going, light-hearted man on the planet, and then I find out he also has a temper and can make below the belt comments when he is upset.
In this discovery, I found out I was married to the best person for stirring up all of my childhood angst. This did not just happen to me. It has happened to my friends and my clients as well.
How do we manage to pick the partner who has just the right size arrow to hit our achilles heel? My spin on this is that our wisdom is always guiding us toward growth in consciousness. We have an innate intelligence inside of us that point us in the direction of learning. We may think we are choosing our partner from our heart, but it is far more likely that we are choosing our partner from the wisdom of our soul.
The opportunity then is to not turn and run for the hills when our partner, who once drove us mad with passion, is now driving us crazy with their imperfections. That is the time to look inward and see what our growing edge is. I want to be clear. I am not advocating for people to stay in abusive and dangerous relationships.
Bait and Switch Relationships - Why They Never Work
I strongly advocate for safety and common sense. However, if the relationship does not fall into this category, there is an opportunity to see relationship challenges as a catalyst for developing a greater connection with the love and understanding that resides within us.
- Bait And Switch: When Dating Becomes A Relationship
- Romantic Love: A Sophisticated Bait-And-Switch Tactic
- Bait & Switch – How You Can Be Deceived By A Narcissist
If we are only able to feel our thoughts, then any anger, frustration, or upset we experience has to be coming from our own thinking, no matter what the other person has done. When we see our partner differently, it is not a reflection of them changing. It is a reflection of our thinking being different.
How To Deal With the Bait and Switch
When my heart is open, and I feel deeply in love, it is unlikely that some character weakness or poor behavior on the part of my husband is going to destabilize me. I will give him the benefit of the doubt. I will see his bad behavior as a reflection of his suffering and not who he is. I will be magnanimous. However, if I am in a low mood, and caught up in my own insecure thoughts, it is far easier for me to take my husband's behavior personally and become upset, hurt, and reactive as a result of our interaction.
The blessing is, who we are deeply attracted to will allow us to let down our guard and become intimate enough to stretch beyond the limits of our ego's safety and comfort.
We then have the opportunity to walk through the illusion that another person has the power and capacity to hurt us. When this happens, we can resist the temptation of blame, and look within. From this perspective, we see that the outside circumstances are not the source of our suffering. We recognize that our hurt can only come from our own judgments. We are the source of our own suffering, when we identify with our own limiting beliefs and misinterpretations.
As we see this, we realize, the feeling we felt falling in love is actually an enduring love that lives within each one of us, and the only thing that can separate us from that love is our own insecure, negative thoughts. Once we see this, and know this to be true.
We can never be victimized by our partner, even when we feel the victim. They cannot keep up this persona long-term. But with the right motivation capturing a new victim they will make great efforts. They may be very focused on listening and using any revealed tidbits about yourself to mirror agreement and closeness.
They will flatter you and try to either impress you with their desirability or appeal to your compassion for others themselves who have been mistreated. Likely they will use both of these methods to cement your attachment to them and close off your retreat, making you feel it would be too painful for them. Once they have you engaged in emotional talk, it makes it much more difficult for you to say no, walk away or contradict them.
Unlike the narcissist, most people want to believe that people they know are generally decent and reasonable. Most of us do not relish conflict and expect others to be relatively reasonable. This gives the narcissist the tools necessary to coerce someone into doing what the narcissist wants rather than face a confrontation, be disappointing, or be considered difficult and unkind.
Bait-and-switch - Wikipedia
They are actually using your kind and caring nature against you. This puts you into a situation where it feels like it is your fault and mean to reject them, disagree with them, or walk away. They have baited the trap with your desire to be validated and kind, something we all normally desire. Then they have used this to trap you into meeting their needs.